Where a boy found online porn and how it changed his life
Several customers recently stepped forward to share their stories.
The common thread? They all wanted to help encourage someone else!
We’re so grateful for Cole bravely sharing his story with you. Behind the scenes, we’re also hearing more stories of accidental childhood exposure to porn.
Sadly for young Cole, accidentally viewing porn ended up being the day that changed the course of his life for years!
Table of Contents
- How porn hooked me as a child
- Ways that porn screwed up my life for several years…
- New goals – wanting better things
- Unexpected benefits of freedom from porn…
- My continued fight: “I never want to go back to pornography ever again”
- My best porn recovery tips after 3 years of fighting
- For parents of teens who struggle with porn
- 3 tips to prevent accidental childhood exposure to porn
How porn hooked me as a child
I was only 10 years old. While playing a computer game on the internet, I didn’t realize that my life would be so severely damaged that day.
As I looked for stick figure fighting games to pass the time, I was involuntarily introduced to my first look at pornography.
My feelings as a child exposed to unwanted porn
I had no warning beforehand. I quickly closed the game afterwards and didn’t know what to do.
I felt sick. I decided to sleep it off.
My natural curiosity plus accidental childhood exposure to porn changed me
The next day, my curiosity grew, and now here I am. . . thirteen years later.
I have gone throughout the majority of my life hating myself for the things I’ve looked at, the things I’ve imagined in my head, and the things I’ve said to others.
My life hating myself
Pornography altered my view of normal and my perspective of how I viewed women.
It has created a hole in some relationships that I can never fill now.
I started to scare myself when I went to the gym one day and started to look at people differently.
I began to be late to activities and social events, because I would rather spend just five more minutes in front of a screen than to be on time for something real.
My family’s reaction
My family started being concerned for me. My phone was placed in total lock down wherever I went, so that I couldn’t access anything without a password that I didn’t know.
I started to bypass filters and applications and learned how to cheat the system –
…just so that I could put myself in a depressive and angry state for some pleasure.
I didn’t know how to stop. And I didn’t want to.
Ways that porn screwed up my life
As several years passed and my lifestyle got screwed over, something hit me.
I don’t know what it was or what triggered it, but I wanted to change now.
I didn’t want to look at people differently anymore.
I didn’t want to spend hours in my room alone.
I didn’t want to take my own life, because I didn’t know how to fix myself.
I was scared of myself, alone with my thoughts, and terrified of what my loved ones would think of me if I asked them for help.
New goals - wanting better things
I wanted a better future and decided it was time to change.
Despite my fears and thoughts, I decided it was time to change.
- I wanted to be a better future father to my kids.
- I wanted to be a better spouse to my wife.
- I wanted to be a better brother, son, friend, and cousin.
I couldn’t do any of those things if my mind was so corrupted.
Asking for help (how that turned out for me…)
After some contemplation, I faced my fears and talked to my parents and my loved ones.
The amount of support that I received from asking for help was so much more than I could have ever wanted.
I thought that those who cared about me would look at me as if I was a disappointment or a monster.
Instead, I now had a strong foundation and a true reason to get the help that I needed.
That was three years ago.
Three years later: what pushes me to do better
Since that time, I still haven’t been perfect.
In fact, I’ve been far from it. I relapsed hundreds of times, if not thousands.
However, the continued support from my loved ones, my friends, and sometimes even strangers pushed me to do better.
Unexpected benefits of freedom from porn…
My positive side effects of quitting porn:
Over the course of my fight, there were numerous positive side effects of quitting porn that I had not anticipated.
- I found a reason to live again. I no longer wanted to rid myself of the world’s struggles, and instead face them head on.
- With my better, stronger emotional and mental health, I now had the motivation to go to the gym regularly.
- My sleep schedule improved.
- I even had an increased determination to go back to school!
My friends started complimenting me on how they noticed that I’ve been happier lately, and that there is a much better “light” around me.
I am making progress.
My continued fight: “I never want to go back to pornography ever again”
My fight is unfortunately not over. There are still times when the temptation comes along to bring me back down. There are still times where I’ll mess up a little, and I feel like I’m starting from square one again.
However, even though my fight is not over, my life has been so much better without pornography.
It might take me a couple more months to fully overcome this addiction. It might take years – but I never want to go back to pornography ever again.
I thought I was too far gone to ever fix myself. I was wrong!!
My longest streak without pornography was one year, and that was the best year I’ve had in a while.
My best porn recovery tips after 3 years of fighting
Ask for help
To all those who are worried about starting the fight, who are worried about being too far gone, or who have doubts about your available support, I plead with you to ask for help.
It will be difficult, but please do not give up or be afraid.
Don’t give up
To those who struggle during your fight like me, don’t give up.
If you had a relapse for the first time, tenth time, or thousandth time, that doesn’t mean that your progress is all gone.
You still made a step that you wouldn’t have taken if you hadn’t started fighting back.
Find that motivation and fight for it. You got this.
– Cole
For parents of teens who struggle with porn
Besides being extremely proud of Cole’s persistent fight against porn, we’re also proud of his family and friends. What stood out to us? They offered support for the long haul!
For example, Cole’s family tried to intervene when they realized there was a problem.
Some of you have expressed a similar frustration. Your child experienced accidental exposure to porn. Now you feel like you found out “too late” that your teen is viewing porn regularly!
However, it’s still vital to talk to your teens about porn and online dangers, even if it feels like they aren’t listening.
As Cole puts it, please don’t give up!
You can become their safe place in a storm down the road
by keeping conversations open now.
Avoid toxic shaming
When Cole decided as a young adult that he actually wanted to quit porn, his family and friends responded so well! Instead of shaming him, they rallied around him.
Support was a huge factor in Cole’s long-term porn recovery success!
Remember, porn is the enemy, not your teen.
After all, the porn industry is actively targeting our young people!
Commit to long-term accountability support
Next, never underestimate the power of long-term online accountability. Commit to being a supporter.
Look for ways to be a better accountability partner.
In fact, another customer noted that choosing to be accountable online is a life-time commitment for him. Like Cole, he never wants to go back to pornography!
3 tips to prevent accidental childhood exposure to porn
It’s impossible to guarantee that your child won’t accidentally view porn, despite your best efforts.
However, you can help your child avoid dangerous repeated exposure to porn. It starts by talking about openly about online dangers ahead of time.
3 tips for talking about porn, sex, and online dangers
- Talk to your kids about porn. Here’s a guide to talking to your kids about porn the first time, the next, and the next…
- Tell younger children if they see something scary or bad to tell you. You won’t punish them.
- Create and practice a cool SOS code word/phrase for an immediate online danger alert for younger kids especially. For example: “I need screen help”! …Or
“Stranger danger online, Mom!”
Know the online danger zones
Truthfully, you need to understand where the hidden online dangers lurk via social media and some gaming apps like Discord.
It’s challenging to keep up-to-date! Follow our blog and other like-minded online parenting sites to keep learning.
PRO TIP: remember that friends’ devices will also be a danger zone.
Maximize your child’s safety online
Maximizing your child’s online safety means knowing where they visit in the online neighborhood!
For added online safety, make sure you properly set up our accountability app to share your teen’s online activity.
Here are our helpful how-to guides on properly setting up online safety sharing for teens:
Ever Accountable’s Android User’s Guide
Ever Accountable’s iOS User’s Guide
Ever Accountable’s Guide to Windows
Ever Accountable’s MacOS Guide
We’re always very happy to help answer your questions, too. Reach out to us at support@everaccountable.com
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