Lots of people secretly wonder – is watching porn cheating? (Just check Google’s search 1+ billion search results). But the last thing you need, if you’re trying to quit porn, is someone heaping on more shame.
Also, if you’re struggling inwardly over the label of “cheater,” you’re clearly someone who cares and wants to do better.
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Is watching porn cheating on your girlfriend or boyfriend?
That’s a loaded question – not the fun, new car, fully-loaded options type of question, either!
Many answer the porn cheating question with “It depends” or “You decide”. Some even say porn can enhance your sex life. As you’ve probably guessed, psychologists, therapists, and sexperts strongly disagree on an answer.
One thing is crystal clear, though. Because porn use is so common, having a “porn conversation” is vital in a serious dating relationship. It’s part of being honest with each other about your values and goals for healthy intimacy and fidelity in relationships.
So, should you disclose a porn habit to your significant other?
Dr. Brian Willoughby, a researcher on healthy human sexuality, says yes. He then lays out helpful steps for a healthy conversation disclosing porn use, including setting the stage with a question like this:
“Can we have a conversation about something private that I’m dealing with?”
Being honest at this stage helps lay a foundation for true intimacy.
Is porn cheating if you’re married?
Again, experts disagree. Clearly, though, what the experts say matters very little if the love of your life is as mad as Hades about your porn use. What she (or he) thinks really is the priority – if you value your relationship.
- First, ask your spouse: is watching porn cheating from your viewpoint?
- Next, listen really, really hard.
- Be curious about what values matter to your spouse.
- Finally, ask clarifying questions.
Why your spouse or significant other may consider porn to be cheating.
Do you wonder why someone special in your life considers porn cheating? Here are a few questions to consider.
Are you a promise-keeper or a vow-breaker?
Most took a vow of “forsaking all others,” – which includes mutually exclusive sexual rights to each other. Many wives report feeling not enough, because they’re fighting inner battles as they feel compared to unrealistically perfect porn stars.
Unfortunately, porn also cheats both partners in the marriage bed by creating unmet, unrealistic sexual expectations. Porn sex isn’t real intimacy. It’s a fake, cheap plastic version of sex.
Additionally, sometimes long-term porn use robs even young men of the inability to perform for their partner due to erectile dysfunction. The brain has been rewired to respond to porn on screen, not a real-life person.
Are you repeatedly engaging in lying behavior?
In reality, lying to cover a porn habit often escalates. Bigger lies are required to cover up the smaller ones. What does a promise mean to you? For a person of faith, this answer matters even more deeply.
Does your faith (or personal conscience) dictate that watching porn is cheating?
Not all faiths concede, but many larger faith groups agree that watching porn is cheating. Many religions teach marital fidelity, as well as personal integrity. According to your faith, keeping promises matters. Promising someone your exclusive faithfulness matters.
For example, both Judaism and Christianity hold to the Ten Commandments. Two of the Ten Commandments teach that you shall not commit adultery (#7) and you shall not lie (#9). Jesus plainly calls people to pay attention to loving God with their minds. He states that looking at another woman to lust after her is committing adultery in your heart.
In this context of deeply held religious values, porn turns you into a cheater in your mind. For some, porn becomes the gateway to cheating on your spouse in real life.
11 ways porn is cheating you and those you love
Porn actors are called “actors” for a reason. Since porn displays impossibly fake sex and digitally enhanced bodies, is it surprising that porn is also a world-class cheater?
When you’re tempted to give in to porn’s siren call, remind yourself that porn steals your:
- Time
- Talents
- Healthy relationships
- Potential spouse
- Intimacy in marriage
- Life experiences
- Finances
- Sexual enjoyment
- Inner peace
- Sleep
- Peace with God
Porn also cheats porn actors
Many former successful porn actors, like Joshua Broome, now speak out about the high suicide rates, mental health harms, and other dark secrets of the porn industry.
Some were extorted as their boundaries were violated. Others were actually lied to and trafficked by the porn industry. Porn preys on vulnerable people, sucking them into a lifestyle that’s unsustainable and hard to break free from.
Ready to ditch the real cheater?
Many of us avoid talking about touchy topics. But, realistically, who wants to be stuck with the inner label of “cheater”? Instead, you want to do better, to become someone better!
Think about the ways that porn is cheating you. A broken engagement? A train wreck of a marriage? Maybe you’ve even found your powerful “why” for quitting porn in this little article.
It’s time to ditch porn and break free of a lifestyle of regrets. With the right help, you can repair the damage porn has inflicted on you.
3 tools to cheat porn and create lasting change
Are you willing to change? If so, the sky’s the limit! Take action to eliminate your “inner cheater” label, and become someone you’re proud to be. Here are three proven tools for breaking up with porn.
1. Join a porn recovery group while educating yourself on the most successful porn recovery steps. Community support from those who understand your struggle, combined with self-education, powerfully propels positive changes.
2. Use our accountability software with a chosen accountability partner to rebuild trust in your relationships. Clean reports over time are your proof!
One clear way to prove to yourself and others that you are changing includes documenting this: “new habits that are rebuilding your trust… not just words saying they won’t do it again.” – guystuffcounseling.com
3. Enlist a sexual addiction counselor. Getting rid of a deeply rooted porn habit often requires a kind but objective, trained set of eyes looking in from the outside.
Investing in yourself ripples outward in waves of limitless possibilities.
Your family, friends, and community will richly benefit from you becoming your best possible self. Some find this hard to believe.
We know YOU are worth the effort!
*Ever Accountable’s blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or therapy, though we often link to medically reviewed studies.
Works Cited
“Ask Michele: Is Looking at Porn the Same as Cheating? | Catholic Dating Online – Find Your Match Today!” Catholic Singles, 19 July 2019, https://www.catholicsingles.com/blog/ask-michele-is-looking-at-porn-the-same-as-ch/. Accessed 27 September 2023.
Glowiak, Matthew. “Masturbation Addiction: Signs, Symptoms & Treatments.” Choosing Therapy, 15 September 2020, https://www.choosingtherapy.com/masturbation-addiction/. Accessed 27 September 2023.
“Is porn cheating?” Guy Stuff Counseling, https://www.guystuffcounseling.com/counseling-men-blog/bid/31722/is-porn-cheating.
Weiss, Robert. “Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction Can pornography impact male sexual performance?” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/202104/porn-induced-erectile-dysfunction.
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