I first started on my journey of recovery in 2010. My life was misery, living in the dark, with a lot of self loathing that just kind of paralyzed me.
Paralyzed by self-loathing: how porn affected Eric’s life
I had big dreams that were sapped from my life because of the darkness of my addiction to porn. I was not being true to God, not being true to myself, and not even being true to my spouse. I saw my behavior was just pretty awful.
“Hellacious” phase one of porn recovery: accountability partners without online accountability
Post 2010? You know, there’s a certain enlightenment that comes when you realize that there’s hope, right? I started to realize that maybe I don’t have to be this way for the rest of my life.
So I had accountability partners – people that know about your business – but I realized there’s still some junk behind this behavior. For me, there was emotional dysfunction and some intrusive thoughts that just wouldn’t go away.
That period of time was agonizing, because I didn’t adopt any type of solution for my devices, whether it was a PC or an iPad. I thought the sex addiction groups I was attending and the people I was in community with were enough.
I’m voicing my weakness, but you know, without any type of online accountability software for the last 13 years of my life, there always was a place I could hide, a place of secrecy.
It was the recurrent relapses that made me wonder, Why is this happening? But I didn’t have that online guard if I was ever alone or isolated. So phase one of recovery was hellacious!
Finally free: how Eric began overcoming porn relapses with online accountability
There were two things that happened. I began seeing a pastoral counselor who’s actually become more of a life coach now to me personally.
Boundaries – Online accountability software provides the missing success link
When I adopted the Ever Accountable software, he became my accountability partner. So I know how the accountability software works. It limits us, or at least puts up some boundaries and that works on my brain.
But, it was the human element of my accountability partner saying, Listen, let’s talk through this. What are you feeling? Why did you go back? Why were you clicking on that site?
“I have not felt this free in years!”
So Ever Accountable includes the human element of somebody that prays for me, somebody that believes in me, that believes I can be free – plus the online accountability software sharing activity! That’s what brought about change.
I’ve not felt this free in years. I can focus on what matters. I can focus on relationships. I can trust people again. I can pursue the dreams that God imparted to me when I was a young man. I can use the gifts he placed in me without regrets, without shame, and without walking in the darkness.
Finding fulfillment: creating breakthroughs for others
Now I’m driven by having an impact. I don’t want to base my worth on that. But being free from this porn addiction and problematic behavior has allowed me to grasp opportunities to bless other people. I can bring other guys into the light, to bring families who’ve been wrecked by porn addiction into the light and show them that there is hope. I couldn’t do that before!
Teenagers, fathers, older guys, younger guys who need this – need a safe space. And so I developed something called The Free Life, and got certified as a professional life coach, and a mental health coach.
So I started to understand the wiring of the brain and how porn impacts our mind. It’s been a great opportunity for me to use my freedom to help others see that they can be free as well.
2 success tips from a life coach savoring his own freedom
1. Learning to trust in trustworthy people
Find that person that you know has your best interest at heart. In the past 14 years, I’ve learned to trust three men with my story. Then I could be accountable to them. Trust is the word. Trustworthy. Can I trust this guy? Can I put my life into their hands for a couple hours to discuss things over coffee?
2. Choosing the right online accountability tools
As far as Ever Accountable accountability software, I personally went for the annual membership account. When you break that up into 12 months, you’re only paying eight or nine bucks a month for something that’s actually going to help.
You taste freedom and have the courage to face those battles and win! Shoot, I’d pay more than eight or nine bucks a month for it!
Anybody who’s struggling with pornography can catch a new vision for their life, and then make these human connections. I really believe that their authenticity will be restored, and their vision and their purpose will be restored.
And that’s been the most beautiful thing for me, personally, is genuinely experiencing that again. We’re not meant to just waste our lives away, beating ourselves up, feeling bad about the same problem over and over again, falling over and over. There can be so much more to life!
Resources:
Porn relapse talking tips: a guide for accountability partners
Porn recovery support we recommend:
Live Free Groups for men
Live Free Community for wives
Books on porn:
https://everaccountable.com/blog/ultimate-guide-to-books-on-porn/
Understanding porn recovery: resources on our blog.
