At Ever Accountable, we know that the porn industry normalizes horrific sexual violence leading to unhealthy relationships. Inside the porn industry, many are caught in human sex trafficking, even some who are unaware that they’re being pimped for profit.
We truly appreciate Lynda Harlos sharing her hard-won knowledge – so that parents can understand and be involved in domestic sex trafficking prevention.
Whether we realize it or not, we all play a part in sex trafficking prevention. However, one of the most pressing issues is helping parents realize they should be concerned about sex trafficking of their own children.
Table of Contents
- Sex trafficking prevention starts with parents.
- Understanding the difference between international and domestic sex trafficking is a first step in sex trafficking prevention.
- What does ‘domestic sex trafficking’ actually look like?
- 5 red flags that your child is being groomed or sexually exploited.
- Conclusion
Sex trafficking prevention starts with parents.
The biggest mistake we all could make is believing that within our protected, loving, caring families, sex trafficking can’t reach us.
We fail to remember that we cannot protect ourselves against things we have no idea about or fail to understand because our view of the danger is distorted.
As a society, we have a biased view of what ‘sex trafficking’ is, believing the deception that media and movies have allowed us to believe, which is why many think this will never happen to my child.
Understanding the difference between international and domestic sex trafficking is a first step in sex trafficking prevention.
I am your classic example of a parent who had this mentality. I was a stay-at-home, community-based, faith-based mom. I honestly didn’t believe that sex trafficking would ever touch anyone in our community.
If you had asked me, I would’ve said: “After all, sex trafficking only happens to drug addicts and the homeless, or it happens to others in faraway countries. This is not a crime that happens to civilized, loving, caring families in North America.”
Due to my naivety, my daughter was sex trafficked and lived through hell for over eight years, not understanding what happened to her. Shame kept her quiet.
I’ve written a book titled Walk a Mile to help other parents not repeat my mistakes.
After having made the biggest mistake of my life, I now understand firsthand that ‘domestic sex trafficking’ looks and is very different from what the movies and media influence the general public to believe.
Domestic sex trafficking is a crime committed against anyone, anywhere, who is unaware that they are being exploited. Traffickers will find ways to exploit anyone – and they are good at it.
Most will think sex trafficking is like the movies Taken or Sound of Freedom. In reality, these movies portray what ‘international’ sex trafficking sometimes looks like.
‘Domestic’ sex trafficking usually doesn’t include someone being kidnapped, locked up or forced to stay away from families. In order to prevent sex trafficking, we need to “see” the less obvious signs.
What does 'domestic sex trafficking' actually look like?
In the beginning, the trafficker is ‘Luring and Grooming’ the victim, so here are some common clues:
- Initially, sex trafficking looks like a regular relationship with the appearance of being a loving couple, very much into each other and never leaving each other’s side, including texting, sexting, and ‘falling in love.’ The victim will feel like they have ‘hit the jackpot.’ Predators excel at making someone feel like they are the most special person in the world.
- It looks like a person who is kind-hearted and is befriending a lonely or bullied person. They will become the victim’s best friend and champion. At first, they help the victim feel so much better about themselves – but then they start asking for payback with sexual favors.
- Sex trafficking sometimes looks like a leader of an organization taking someone under their wing to mentor them, but sexual abuse prevention protocols are not in place or enforced. The leader gradually uses their power and influence to manipulate sexual favors for themselves.
The most important fact to remember is that the traffickers are not usually strangers. They will most likely be someone you or your child know. Often this grooming takes place on social media platforms in direct messaging, but it can also happen in person.
There are many possible different warning signs that might help a parent understand that their child is in an unhealthy relationship or is being groomed towards exploitation. That’s why parents play a key role in sex trafficking prevention.
Opening regular, possibly difficult conversations around the topics of healthy sexuality and unhealthy sexual behaviors such as sexting and pornography use cannot be underestimated!
5 red flags that your child is being groomed or sexually exploited.
Even if only one particular red flag stands out, take the time to ask questions about each scenario, such as any one of the following:
1. Appearing scared, secretive, or agitated when answering a cell phone or when their ‘boyfriend’ is around
2. Having new things they cannot afford
3. Attitude towards everyone and everything has changed drastically
4. Changing their style of clothes, nails and hair, and dressing inappropriately for weather or occasion
5. Talking about paying back money they owe, but they won’t go into detail, or mentioning how they are working towards a ‘better life’ (out of the blue since this new person has come into their lives)
Take action steps to prevent your loved ones from experiencing sexual abuse or sex trafficking.
Reading this article is a first step to educating yourself on this subject.
Traffickers will take the time to learn what your loved one’s vulnerabilities are, so you need to do a lot more than a trafficker to keep your children safe.
Here are my top tips for learning about sex trafficking prevention.
1. Educate yourself regularly. I offer (currently free) monthly workshops.
2. Search for other courses regarding this subject, especially educating yourself about ‘online’ exploitation. I have some great resources on my website to help you search.
3. Ask your schools to set up a parent sex trafficking prevention night with staff and parents. The more adults that know and understand how this works, the more people there will be who can keep a watchful eye on our children.
4. Ensure your children know they have a safe place to come and talk about anything without judgment or criticism. You do not want someone you don’t trust to be who your child confides in, because that person never judges them or makes them feel silly or stupid.
Our children will make mistakes. While they often need our help and guidance to fix them, they don’t need our criticism regarding those mistakes.
Two tips that help create a safe space for your child:
- List 4-7 people you trust – both parent and child. Compare your lists. When there is someone on the list that you both feel comfortable with, ensure your child knows they are the secondary person in their circle of people they can trust. That person is another safe space besides yourself.
- Tell your children daily that you love them. Don’t just say ‘I love you’, but establish that you are a safe place for them not to feel judged by saying you love them ‘no matter what.’
Last, but certainly not least is teaching age-appropriate consent. (last part of my monthly workshop). Children must realize they have a right to say ‘No’. They have a right to use their voice to set their boundaries regarding who can come into their personal space. Then they are less likely to fall prey to predators who will try to coerce them into thinking they need to say ‘Yes’.
Conclusion
Listening to and learning from the survivors of sex-trafficking and those who love them is a needed part of a porn-free journey.
Even when it’s hard to lean in and really listen, we’re truly proud of our customers for taking each step forward to break free from pornography.
Protecting our children from access to porn is yet another vital step towards prevention of sex trafficking, as well.
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