Recently we’ve been publicly reprimanded by Wired magazine for having a zero tolerance policy for porn (alongside our competitors, Covenant Eyes and Accountable2U).
They’re not wrong!
We’ve written extensively on our blog exposing the many ways that porn harms beautiful human beings.
But the second part of the accusation – being labeled ‘Shameware’?
That’s the complete opposite of our mission statement, which is readily apparent in our marketing and our customer service.
Table of Contents
- Our core mission is to help dismantle shame and empower people.
- Where does shame actually come from?
- Accountability is how we help people defeat shame and reach healthy goals.
- We’re ISO Certified for both data privacy and security.
- Why we allow parolees to use our software.
- You are the reason WHY we fight to help everyone become free from porn.
- Sources
Our core mission is to help dismantle shame and empower people.
We’re working hard to “deshame” the topic of porn and healthy sexual relationships.
We’re not ashamed of you – even if you’re deeply entrenched in a porn habit. We believe in you. You’re special. You’re important. You’re worth it!
In fact, our core mission statement inside Ever Accountable is about YOU.
Kindness and respect for fellow humans is a core company value, too.
Our customer support is known for treating folks with kindness and respect.
As our Head of Support, Ricki recently stated: “Working customer service in our industry requires a very soft heart and very thick skin.”
Why? Because people are often deeply ashamed of their unwanted sexual behaviors. They’ve been shamed by others. Perhaps, sadly, even their church.
They’re angry and hurting as they struggle.
They’re working on themselves to change their habits, but it’s hard.
Where does shame actually come from?
SHAME accompanies every harmful, excessive habit, no matter what the poor behavior choice is.
Once upon a time, in past generations, porn was far less visible and accessible. It lived in magazines, purchased secretly and stashed away from public eyes, due to shame. Porn existed, but it was not the multi-billion dollar industry that it is today.
Porn is a public health harm affecting our future generations.
Now porn is available to everyone with access to a smartphone – even tiny little hands that grab phones from anyone who will indulge them.
As a result, children across the globe are being hypersexualized long before they’re developmentally ready for sex, due in part to early exposure to porn, experts agree.
What a crime against humanity – a truly shameful public health harm of the porn industry.
Even Gen X celebrities like Billie Eilish are speaking out publicly, decrying the harm porn has done to them personally.
Accountability is how we help people defeat shame and reach healthy goals.
If you have the budget, you can hire a personal coach to help you with almost any goal you wish to achieve: fitness, finances, personal growth, etc..
Wouldn’t you like to have someone who sees you, believes in you, and wants to help you reach your goal of quitting or staying free of porn use?
You just need a helping hand and the right tools.
That’s the power of accountability!
And Ever Accountable is simply a tool to help you reach your goals – at a fraction of the cost of hiring a personal trainer or coach.
Here’s how it works.
1. We help people break free of unwanted sexual behaviors and shame without promoting any one religion.
Many of our customers sign up simply to get rid of unwanted sexual behaviors.
They’re already steeped in shame. So we tell people to reach out to a trusted person(s) in their life who will support and not shame them. It doesn’t need to be a pastor or even a spouse. You are free to choose.
We work hard not to shame people. We also help our accountability partners understand that shaming your partner isn’t helpful either.
2. We foster peace and trust in relationships – the opposite of shame.
Based on many years of working directly with customers, we disagree with Ms. Praus as quoted in Wired: “I’ve never seen anyone who’s been on one of these apps feel better about themselves in the long term,” – Nicole Praus, scientist at UCLA
In fact, we see quite the opposite in our customer responses and feedback over many years.
It’s data that, quite frankly, Ms. Praus and other researchers have no access to, because of our data privacy and security policies. (See the section below about our ISO certifications.)
For example, in our customer support department, we frequently see the marital strain that porn use creates.
Or we hear the common, repeated complaints of people stuck in unwanted sexual patterns: “I can’t stop masturbating, and I hate it.”
Who honestly wants to live their one and only beautiful life that way?
No one is forcing these customers to reach out to us.
And, actually, people stuck in unwanted sexual behaviors are searching for help.
They’re reaching out to us, because they WANT to stop. They’re sick and tired of their current lifestyle.
Then there’s the notes of gratitude that we don’t publish.
Recently a customer asked us to close their account due to the death of her husband, but thanked us for bringing peace to their marriage over the years.
Peace. That’s not something that can be measured with data, or that you can put a price tag on. In fact, we’d call that a priceless gift.
3. We help people practice responsible digital parenting.
Digital parenting is new terminology coined for the current generation.
No other generation of parents has faced the extreme level of access our children have to sexually explicit materials, online sexual predators, sextortion, sexting, and online bullying that we do. It’s downright alarming
Every single social media platform has been invaded by porn and sexual exploitation. Though social platforms are supposed to be age-restricted, we all know that children are regularly accessing them.
Child Sexual Abuse Materials (CSAM) is sometimes called child porn, but it’s a criminal activity that should not be legitimized by this term. It crops up online so fast worldwide that government agencies can’t keep up with it.
Not even school computers have adequate safety measures against children accessing porn.
“Inadequate, or non-existent, filters to block pornography on school-owned devices like iPads or laptops that are distributed to children.” – endsexualexploitation.org
Parents are terrified, fed up, and just plain mad. We have a right to be!
Besides accountability apps, entire organizations have cropped up to help fight the onslaught of porn and online global sexual exploitation of children – SOSA, NCOSE, Defend Young Minds, and Culture Reframed are just a few. Some countries are taking significant action, too.
You fight fire with fire! Good digital parenting requires state-of-the-art digital tools.
After all, responsible parents don’t set their children loose without boundaries into the wild unknown of the online world.
In fact, teaching responsible digital citizenship is a hard but vital parenting task.
We’re also very committed to keeping your children and your private information safe and secure.
We’re ISO Certified for both data privacy and security.
We’re not required by the government to do this. But we spent a great deal of time and money protecting our customers with two ISO certifications: ISO 27001 (Information Security) and ISO 27701 (Privacy)
How this helps our customers
We collect the minimal amount of information needed for the app to do its job.
You have the right to your data, and may ask for any information to be purged from our systems. Only your trusted accountability partners have access to your reports, too. You also may change accountability partners at any time.
Just because we’re certified doesn’t mean we can’t be breached, but it makes a breach significantly harder. Also, our ISO security measures help ensure that IF we were to have a data breach, the impact would be much smaller due to all the security measures we employ.
Paul Pasquale, our data security expert, notes that we work hard to earn your trust: “If you use our software, we’re going to do everything we can to make sure your data doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.”
“Ever Accountable maintains active ISO 27001 (Information Security) and ISO 27701 (Privacy) certifications. We conduct annual internal and third-party audits to make sure your data remains safe. On top of our ISO certifications, we also remain compliant with additional standards including the California Consumer Privacy Act (CCPA), the E.U. General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), and the Privacy Shield Framework”
You can see our certifications by visiting this page: Privacy and Security – Ever Accountable
Why We Allow Parolees to Use Our Software
Everyone deserves a second chance. In fact, the only way to break free from unwanted sexual behaviors is to stop hiding it and feeding it behind closed doors. Accountability software helps people who want to change.
Parolees who have committed sex crimes need help rehabilitating into society. They are not allowed by many state governments to access smart phones or the internet without accountability software. It’s super hard to get a job or function in today’s world without access to these tools. Our software often makes a vital difference for some folks who would otherwise have no access to a phone or internet at all.
Also, we firmly stand behind the fact that porn fuels sexual violence. Plenty of law enforcement and sexual assault nurse examiners (SANE nurses) would agree with us. So helping parolees find a life free of sexual violence is important to us.
You are the reason WHY we fight to help everyone become free from porn.
Honestly, our engineers could be making big bucks elsewhere. But as a small team, we’re all passionate about what we do at Ever Accountable.
We’re proud of our work in helping people change their lives for the better. Most of the time we ignore the negativity.
This time, however, we’re taking the time to address the “shameware app” label. Our app truly empowers people to live above pornography and become their best self without fear or shame!
SOURCES
Works Cited
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/toxic-shame.
“Back to School: Ensuring Kids Have A Safe, Pornography-Free Learning Environment.” NCOSE, 14 September 2022, https://endsexualexploitation.org/articles/back-to-school-ensuring-kids-have-a-safe-pornography-free-learning-environment/. Accessed 3 October 2022.
“Can parolees use Covenant Eyes?” Covenant Eyes, https://www.covenanteyes.com/support-articles/can-covenant-eyes-used-parolees/. Accessed 3 October 2022.
Ferner, Matt, and Doris Layton MacKenzie. “These Programs Are Helping Prisoners Live Again On The Outside.” HuffPost, 28 July 2015, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/if-we-want-fewer-prisoners-we-need-more-compassion-when-they-re-enter-society_n_55ad61a5e4b0caf721b39cd1. Accessed 3 October 2022.
“Fighting child sexual abuse: EU Commission proposes new rules to protect children.” Child Rescue Coalition, 19 July 2022, https://childrescuecoalition.org/fighting-child-sexual-abuse-eu-commission-proposes-new-rules-to-protect-children-%ef%bf%bc/. Accessed 4 October 2022.
Levine, Alexandra S. “TikTok Moderators’ Handling Of Child Sexual Abuse Material Draws Senate Scrutiny.” Forbes, 18 August 2022, https://www.forbes.com/sites/alexandralevine/2022/08/18/tiktok-moderators-child-sexual-abuse-senate-scrutiny/. Accessed 3 October 2022.
Margolies, Lynn. “Is Shame Good or Bad? The Effects of Shame and Guilt.” Psychology Today, 30 June 2021, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/therapy-insider/202106/is-shame-good-or-bad-the-effects-shame-and-guilt. Accessed 3 October 2022.
“The Phenomenon of “Sexting” and Its Risks to Youth.” NCOSE, 9 March 2021, https://endsexualexploitation.org/articles/the-phenomenon-of-sexting-and-its-risks-to-youth/. Accessed 3 October 2022.
