Two Big Lies That Young Men Believe About Porn

If you’re a young man and you want to be married someday soon, this article is for you. I’m a guy who’s married, adores his wife and kids, and wants you to find happiness and contentment in your marriage. This dream can be your reality.

I can tell you right away from listening to our customers for years –– your future wife will appreciate your marriage much better without porn. In fact, studies show that the vast spread of internet porn has been a deal-breaker for many marriages. But maybe you’re thinking…

Lie #1: “I’ll quit porn when I’m married…” – THIS IS A LIE!

When you get married you’ll be having sex for real, with a real person – your spouse. So it might seem like you wouldn’t crave porn anymore.

Real sex can be wonderful and deeply gratifying. It bonds two people in a way that nothing else can. But the lie is that real sex will somehow remove your desire to look at porn.

That is false. Completely false! Here’s why.

At its core, real sex is nothing like porn.

Real sex is a together experience – just you and your spouse and nobody else. Porn is a screenful of novelty, one different person after another.

It’s not possible to experience true intimacy that way.  Porn and sex –– intimate, deeply satisfying sex –– are kind of opposites.

Real sex is about seeking your partner’s gratification before your own. But porn is all about gratifying yourself.

Real sex is about opening up yourself, heart, body, and soul to another person.

You also learn to cherish the openness that she gives to you.

In contrast, porn is about escaping and avoiding being open. 

Real sex is part of a relationship complete with good stuff to enjoy and problems to overcome together. Relationships are built through time and effort. What happens when you’ve had an argument with your spouse, or someone is too sick or busy for sex? Will you escape to porn?

Here’s another fact. In real life, your partner will probably not want sex the same amount as you do, either. You may have frequent moments when the desire to have sex goes unanswered. You’ll have to be patient and delay gratification. It’s all part of emotional fitness. So don’t fall for the next myth about porn…

Lie #2: “Porn makes you better in bed.” – THIS IS A LIE!!!

The truth is that porn destroys your ability to enjoy sex with a real person in many ways.

Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is real.

Porn decreases your ability to be aroused by your partner – because you’ve trained yourself to be turned on by fantasies. A growing number of young men can’t even get hard when they try to have sex with a real person. Imagine how you’d feel trying to explain that to the girl of your dreams!

Robert Weiss, Ph.D., MSW says this same thing, basically, in Psychology Today : [3]

“In other words, the digital porn explosion has created in some men an emotional disconnection that is manifesting physically as sexual dysfunction with real-world partners.”

In addition, masturbation with porn makes you less sensitive to sexual stimulation.

Compulsive masturbation and sex –– real sex ––  actually may cancel each other out. The World Health Organization has a diagnosis code for this and other sexual dysfunctions, like traumatic masturbation syndrome according to the National Institutes on Health (NIH). [4]

Porn can also make you think that she likes things that she actually feels are degrading or hurtful. “There was nothing fun about that sex for me, nothing. It was getting to the point that it was actually traumatic for me,” one anonymous wife told Redbook. [5]

Porn use over time can make you crave unrealistic or even dangerous, violent types of sex, says the British Journal of Criminology. [6]

The GOOD news is that you can recover from these things, but you have to quit the porn. After a few weeks of zero porn and masturbation you can begin to recondition yourself.

Porn and sex is a terrible combination, though, and it keeps getting worse.

Porn becomes less satisfying the more you watch it. You start wanting harder core porn in order to get the same rise. And after watching porn you feel alone, hopeless, and unmotivated. You need to make a plan to quit NOW.

Porn will hurt you badly.

Combining porn and sex is going to hurt your marriage and other relationships.

Does porn make you look at women as objects instead of as real people?

Does porn distance you from your family and friends?

Do you fear that you’ll get addicted, unable to quit?

Do you worry that your future wife won’t want you because of the porn?

Do you feel distant from God or out of touch with your spiritual side?

You are right to worry because porn causes all these problems!

Porn is addictive.

You try to stop over and over, but porn is always lurking a few taps away, just waiting for you to have a weak moment. And weak moments always come eventually.

So quitting a porn habit can be more difficult to do than just saying, “I quit”!

Very often, people use porn to deal with stress or boredom on a regular basis. And when you get stressed or bored in marriage, your brain is naturally inclined to run to porn before sex. This depends on the level of your porn habit.

Unfortunately you may discover you crave the excessive dopamine highs using porn creates.

Your brain’s been hooked by porn and synthetic sex. 

Are you angry at the porn industry for putting this problem under your nose?! You should be!

They want you to be hooked on porn because it makes them money. [7]

That’s right, they get paid when you click and watch. But who suffers???

YOU suffer! Your relationships and career often erode over time, as a porn habit grows.

The porn industry will throw away all you hold dear for a few extra bucks. Does that make you angry? It should!

But it gets worse…

Porn is hurting a whole lot of innocent people.

Porn especially damages women and girls who get kidnapped or pressured into prostitution and creating porn. So many of them don’t want to be there. When you watch porn, the person in the video is often only pretending to like it. Deep down, so many of those “models” are aching, wishing they could get out, and crying themselves to sleep. They’re even praying for vengeance on those who put them into that life.

And it keeps getting worse. The porn industry keeps growing. “The number of businesses in the Adult & Pornographic Websites industry in the US has grown 2.7% per year on average over the five years between 2016 – 2021.”  Sex trafficking will keep growing, too, as long as porn is in business.

Porn is getting pushed harder and harder on us.

What in years past was considered porn is now paraded as “normal” in advertisements, movies, and social media.

And yet the news still gets worse…

Because deep down, you know that you’re the one that is tapping to watch more. Yes, porn weakens your willpower to resist. Yes, it gets harder to stop every time you succumb. But you still have a choice. You can say NO! The more you resist, the easier it gets to say no. This is your choice, and you can change.

A porn habit will catch up with you.

Imagine the horror of someone catching you in the act –– your spouse, your boss, or even your

child. And how will that feel? Yes, you will get caught unless you get help for yourself first!

Getting help is the way of respect and dignity. There is no embarrassment in owning a problem.

Maybe you’ve tried already to quit and failed, maybe even more than once. I’ve heard that story so often!

Let’s talk about why you may have failed. First, did you ask someone else for help? That can be hard to do at first, but…

To really beat porn you have to be accountable to another person!

Porn is like a cockroach –– turn on the lights and it runs terrified back into a dark corner. Beating a porn habit requires turning on the lights and being open with someone! 

Back in the “good old days” when families only could afford one computer ––  that computer was in the living room where the screen faced everyone. Everyone could see what you were viewing. Now that was GREAT motivation not to watch porn online. But it doesn’t work anymore.

Now, thanks to smartphones, you carry porn with you in your pocket every single day. Unlimited, SECRET, constant access to porn. It’s like an alcoholic having his flask attached to him 24-7.

And the actual fact of the matter is, 80% of all porn viewing today is done on a phone screen. [8]

How can you possibly beat porn? 

You need something on your phone screen and all your devices that’s able to defend you from porn 24/7. Because porn never sleeps.

But, here’s the good news, neither does Ever Accountable’s app! It’s always running, protecting you by quietly sharing reports of whatever is on your screen with your spouse or a trusted friend.

It doesn’t need to block anything. It’s just holding you accountable –– and that changes everything! There’s ONE thing that makes porn use disappear. That’s the power of accountability.

Ever Accountable’s app is like the open computer screen. You choose to let someone see everywhere you visit on the internet. Knowing someone will see you is a massive incentive to avoid porn.

And it’s really easy. The app shares snippets of whatever is on your screen with another person. Websites you view, things you look at in social media, etc… The app sends a report of everywhere you visit on the internet to your accountability partner.

Ever Accountable works extremely well.

Here’s the reason why. Ever Accountable works because it’s incredibly motivating!

In fact, an amazing 89% of porn use disappears immediately when you set up Ever Accountable. For many people the porn use goes to zero. It makes sense because someone is watching! Accountability is time-tested and proven.

And we hear stories like this one regularly:

“I want to thank you for creating Ever Accountable. I have tried for many years to overcome pornography and it has almost cost me my marriage. My wife has agreed to be the recipient of the accountability reports which has been highly motivating in keeping me from pornography or any inappropriate content on my phone.”

-Adam